There will always be two people in this world that we strive to become: the person others can be proud of, and the person that you are proud to be. Finding your path to both is an ongoing struggle that, in the end, few really obtain. We are raised on a foundation of self-preservation and survival-of-the-fittest, but there has to be more to all of this than just hope that we will live to see another day.
We can't allow ourselves to become complacent with just scraping by. Everybody had that life they want to pursue, and unfortunately, it's all counting down the minutes until we lose that desire to chase after it. Complacency will be our greatest downfall, and I’ve watched too many people I love give up too soon.
They all gave up too soon.
There will come a day, when in our old age, we will look back at what we wished we could have done with our lives and because of this, we will slowly fade out with some level of regret and unshakable loathing at the people we will become. It's an inevitability; that is, unless we make a change.
By no means are you a product of your depression. By no means are you trapped at an impasse that threatens your very core and keeps you awake at night. You are more than the sum of the medication you take, the panic attacks you survive, and the nights you want to take your life. You have a reason to keep on fighting; for yourself, and nobody else. The world needs the light you give, for it would be just too dark without it.
It isn’t until the weight of our existence falls off our shoulders, that we realize who we really are, and what we miss out on in our short time on this planet. It requires not having that essential organic makeup to show us what means the most; the things that we take for granted and assume will always just be there.
...and now, we can't even simply be.
from In Extremis EP,
released June 23, 2020
Everything by Jordan Roether