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The Place I Thought I Left You

by Everender

  • Digital Album
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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    CD is enclosed in a lightweight jacket, with front and back art. Limited run of 100 copies.

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The deepest wounds feel like yesterday; If not for you, then I might still feel safe. I swear that I can feel the growing pains, In the place I thought I left you. I never meant to hit this stage of grief. If not for you, I would have never bared my teeth. I hope that one day I just might find peace, Move on, and on, and on, 'Cause I've been holding out my last hope, Praying that fate might take me. I’m not ready to die, But I’m prepared to sleep forever. I’ve settled with my ghost, And it’ll never get better. I’m always a stones throw away, From entropy, And letting time pass is killing me. I’m not certain that my eulogy, Will mean anything, To anyone but me. Are we too far gone? Is all this love lost? I’ve been running away for so long; I don’t know if I’d know you. Pulled out the knife you left in my back; I’ll make you feel the way I felt. The steady pain that creeps under my skin; Under the weight of everything else, That I’ve had on my mind, Since distance broke this heart of mine. This stress has coalesced into, The person you swore you’d find. Kept safe in the quiet of this empty house, And this four-doored room, And my shaky hands that can’t seem to handle, The fact that they lost grip on you. Are we too far gone? Is all this love lost? I had visions of a better life, In a better place, And it’s waiting for me. When will it finally let me in?
You're feeling fenced in; Caged and collapsing. Your mind strays on paths. It's a lost cause in passing. I hope that life treats you better. I've seen what you've weathered, And I'm not too sure I could. I saw the light flash before my eyes. I still think of you in trying times. Well it's strange, And I know that you feel so far from home, But I'll always be there. I'll always be there. I grew parallel to you; Watched as life shaped the form, Of what I could never afford to lose. I hope that it's kind to you. I saw you beg the world to let you die. I still think of you in the best of times. Well it's strange, And I know that you feel so far from home, But I'll always be there. I'll always be there. 'Cause there's a fire in your eyes, And it won't die. Take your time to come to grips, Yeah, I won't mind. I'll always be there. (Maybe we're better off alone.) I swear I saw you in my dreams again. I saw the tides turn for you, And it's all I can do, To not let myself be consumed, By the weight of what brought you down. Just know that I'll be around.
So what if I'm wrong, And all of this was all for nothing? I'm so scared to admit, That I might have lost my hope. But I know that you're the same as me; You're seeing your heart as a vacancy, And hoping one day, To let someone in. So where did we leave off? Was it the changing of the seasons? You know I always had my reasons for moving on, And leaving you to make it on your own. I remember the day you lost hope, And left all that we had, In a mess of emotions, And I'm over it. How does it feel to be the one left behind? To know the world moves on, While you're catching up, On the days you spent just living out a lie? No one can save you know. You paint yourself the victim, But it's never in the right light. I can't believe this is what you envisioned, And your cheap shots fall with a lack of precision. We'll stand here waiting for you, To pick yourself up again. Was it worth it? Who will be the last one standing, When the smoke clears the room, And you find that there's no one left. You burned your only bridge, Between you and me. You severed every bond you made, And took the best of me. An unexpected slow burn, Killed the last of the love I tried to keep. Now I'm too far gone, For hope to bring you back to me. I was a fool for thinking you could change for anything.
Brave Face 03:31
I’ve been looking for an exit, Hoping things might turn out right. But I’ve got nothing left to offer, When there is no end left in sight. Will you see me in the same light, You used to shine upon yourself? Or is it in vain for me to let go, Like you did for everybody else? I saw the leaves change, And I’m hoping to say the same for me. A chance to be the better person, You’d want me to be. But I’m still holding out and holding on, To things I know just don’t belong. And never getting what I need. Is it fair to bring ourselves to this? A fragile, fleeting mess? Oh, what I’d give to let the hands of time, Bring me back to what I miss. Can’t I just put on a brave face? Can’t I just live in the moment, Instead of counting days? I fear that we might meet the same fate. I’m feeling lost and without purpose, But that comes as no surprise. You always told me that my head, Was better off up in the sky. And I guess it all makes sense; The way you had to leave. You ripped my heart out of my chest, And let it fall here at my feet. You’d think I’m used to all the absence, But I’m just too scared to see, That I pushed everyone away, And left this room a tragic scene, Of my own making, I’m not faking a smile anymore. I guess my time is up; I’ve never felt more home than on the floor. There in time; A parting scene. Open your eyes, And let them watch me leave.
Red Eye 04:02
I took a red eye to see you, But you’re not coming home. And though I hate to admit it, I still call your phone, To hear your voice when I’m all alone. But the line’s disconnected now, And the silence haunts this empty house. I’m losing grip, From holding on until my fingers bled. It’s a story left untold, A song half-sung with solemn notes; A poem that the world will never see. I can feel you now, With a fire burning deep. You were the best of us, And the death of me. This place is a dark space, Like the bags under my eyes, And I still have restless nights. If god could convince me, That this was meant to be, Then god damn, it’s a losing fight. You were the leaves, That never made it back to green. I never made it out to see you again. (It weighs heavy on my burdened head), But I know you’ll never hold it against me. There’s not much left unsaid; (I like to think I’ve seen you there above my bed), But it’s probably just my way of coping.


For Brenna and Anita; thank you.


released May 2, 2021

Recorded in Tucson, AZ

Everything by Keziah Roether


all rights reserved



Everender Tucson, Arizona

2018 - forever.



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