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In Extremis EP

by Everender

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  • Digital Album
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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    CD is enclosed in a lightweight jacket, with front and back art. Limited run of 100 copies.

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1.
In Extremis 02:21
There will always be two people in this world that we strive to become: the person others can be proud of, and the person that you are proud to be. Finding your path to both is an ongoing struggle that, in the end, few really obtain. We are raised on a foundation of self-preservation and survival-of-the-fittest, but there has to be more to all of this than just hope that we will live to see another day. We can't allow ourselves to become complacent with just scraping by. Everybody had that life they want to pursue, and unfortunately, it's all counting down the minutes until we lose that desire to chase after it. Complacency will be our greatest downfall, and I’ve watched too many people I love give up too soon. They all gave up too soon. There will come a day, when in our old age, we will look back at what we wished we could have done with our lives and because of this, we will slowly fade out with some level of regret and unshakable loathing at the people we will become. It's an inevitability; that is, unless we make a change. By no means are you a product of your depression. By no means are you trapped at an impasse that threatens your very core and keeps you awake at night. You are more than the sum of the medication you take, the panic attacks you survive, and the nights you want to take your life. You have a reason to keep on fighting; for yourself, and nobody else. The world needs the light you give, for it would be just too dark without it. It isn’t until the weight of our existence falls off our shoulders, that we realize who we really are, and what we miss out on in our short time on this planet. It requires not having that essential organic makeup to show us what means the most; the things that we take for granted and assume will always just be there. ...and now, we can't even simply be.
2.
It’s a long winded way, Of repeating myself again. Restate the point, Just to see if you understand. 'Cause I’ve been holding out hope, For the last few years, And I’m feeling fine. I’m sure in the end, That you’ll get yours, And I’ll get mine. Did you really think, That we would ever see this again? I'm setting fires, sending signals, Hoping someone out there, Will save me from this rut I'm in. I got this far with the best intentions. I made my peace, but I forgot to mention, That you were everything, That lit a light inside of me. I’ll take a safe bet, Over being burdened with the, Constant state of panic, I’ve induced myself into. I thought I’d given up hope, And gave into fears, But I’m still alive. (And I feel it) I’m sure in the end, That you’ll get yours, Cause I got mine. I’ve done all but destroyed myself; Found safety in someone else. But maybe that’s the point of it all. I fell far from where I used to be; Gave it all so I could make you see, The ones who are standing tall. I'd give it all.
3.
Dogbomb 03:18
Well, I guess it's true what they say. Carry the weight of the world, And it'll never turn out okay. You can do everything right and still lose. There comes a time in life, Where you must choose, A path to follow. I gave it my all, And it left me so hollow. It's getting dark, And I've lost all the light in me. I'd give it all, If I could just make you believe. I made my choice, And I won't spend my last days running. The world can hit you, With some punches you don't see coming. It's how you take your final days, And make it something, That even death can't take away. The sudden grip, It takes its toll; And yet I've never felt less alone. I traveled the world, And made a home where I felt I could let go. It's getting dark, But I think I might finally see, The beauty in whatever lies in front of me. It's getting dark, But I am stronger, Than the hell that's at my back. I speak with a clarity reminding me, That in death, I might finally be free.
4.
I reject the narrative that things could get worse than this; when obedience breeds punishment, and the white man holds the upper hand. How can you say that this is even close to justice? I'd sooner blow off my own head before I let those fuckers win. Fuck blind devotion to a system built to serve the highest bidder. Say goodbye to peace forever. There's no justice. There's no peace.
5.
I would understand if you hate me. You probably want a fight and I've broken down, But I don’t blame you for anything. You’re probably tired of hearing “I’m sorry”, But please just give me this. I want you to know that there’s no hard feelings. I think this is letting go; Please let me go. 'Cause I don’t want to end like this; A footnote in your life. I hope you finally found your bliss, And that it makes you feel alright. I atone for my mistakes, And I hope you found the light that guides your way. 'Cause you have my heart, and it’ll always stay. I’ve been waking up feeling sorry, For myself, the world, and anyone else, Who feels the same as me. I’ve been thinking hard about the way I’ve come to be. There’s no hard feelings, And I can’t find a way to make you see.
6.
God Complex 03:37
Let it kill you; let it hasten your decay. I look back with bloodshot eyes, Wishing that there could have been a better way. I left the home we built exactly as you left it. Picture frames all left in ruin; A solemn display of a life of conflict. Every time I see my face, I swear to god I see you there. So I guess if it's all the same to you, I think I'm gonna let it go, 'cause what's the use? “Let's get it back, let's get it back now", I wanna save us, but I don't know how. The world kept spinning; I couldn't make it stop for anyone. I fought against my god complex, and how I wish I could have won. Four years pass, And I still feel the same pain coursing through my veins. I’d hoped that time would make it easier, Or the drugs would help me keep my mind sane. There’s not much more that I can chalk up to my name. I’ve suspended the grief, and let the rest all but bury me. Every time I see my face, I want so badly to see you there. I stood face to face with Death to spite the life you gave me. I’ll admit I’m a fucking mess, So leave my life to chance and let fate have the upper hand. Forgive me now for giving up. I fought against my god complex, And how I wish I would have won.

credits

released June 23, 2020

All instrumentation and vocals performed by Keziah Roether.

Recorded in my home studios in Great Falls, Montana and Tucson, Arizona.

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Everender Tucson, Arizona

2018 - forever.

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kez@roether.co

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